As an adoptee going to big family events, whether it be for holidays, reunions, or just random get togethers can be draining and something you want to avoid. Your family can be good people, care about you, and love you, but that does not mean they can't be toxic.

Looking around and seeing people that don't look like you or don't have the same background can feel isolating. There are many of us, that have gotten the strength to speak up to certain family members and were met with them telling you, you need to be fixed.

Comment if you have gotten these responses:

• “Well they love you! That's what matters”
• "You should be grateful for being adopted."
• "Looks don't matter."

They respond as if we should supress our feelings and just put on a smile.

I know my family loves me and show it in their own way, but that does not justify us needing to ignore our feelings. Respect should be giving and space needed should be given.

My tip for these situations are:

1. Community: reach out to the person you are closest too and make a game plan of finding time to chat 1:1 when you need a break.

2. Community: reach out to someone not at the reunion you feel close to and let them call and check in on you to give you a break.

3. Vulnerability: if you want to, open up to your family about how you are feeling during these situations…more often then not…they have no idea you are feeling this way.

4. Standing tall: Taking time with yourself and allowing time with you. For me, thats going on a walk with some fun music in my ears. Others maybe just need a cup of coffee on the porch by themselves. Make a plan for some quality time with you.

Overall...remember...You Have A Community!